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hopeless said: "I'm hoping someone can help me. I separated from my husband about 1 year ago, just after my seperation I purchased a new townhome and have been living here ever since. We are still seperated but I still have hope that we can work things out. I didn't actually plan on living here I just thought it would be a nice investment property and was going to rent it out to my son and daughter in law. In the past couple of months I have been late on some of the mortgage payments sometimes 60 days or more. I still rely mostly on my husband for money. He is a small business owner and his business is just slow right now. I guess its the time of year. I have also been taking care of my two grandchildren as my son is experiencing some financial problems himself. I talking to my lender and I guess they are willing to work something out. They need income tax and bank statement among other things. I am just worried because my husband and I always file together. Is that going to matter? His name is not on this mortgage. Only on the house that we shared (that he still lives in.) My name is not on that mortgage, just his. I am just wonder what kind of arrangement my lender is willing to make with me. I don't even have a personal checking account anymore. I just don't know what to do. I know that this is just a temporary setback and soon I will be able to get back to making on time payments. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance."
rapidanian said: "Okay, I don't want to sound all callous here, but you need to see a lawyer and quick. Do you have a separation agreement? Do you work? Did you ever work? How did you get a loan for a townhouse if you are getting your income from your husband? Do you have an alimony agreement?
In 1993 I left my husband (to teach him a lesson LOL). I bought a trailer thinking, well when we get back together "we" can rent it out. Yeah, things didn't quite work out that way. I didn't go to a lawyer because I didn't want to upset my husband further. I took the bills, the 3 kids and the crappy car and my kids' stuff (I left with what would fit into the back of one small pickup) after 16 years of marriage. He got the house we built with the $300 mortgage and the utilities (he was making over $40000 yr). I didn't ask for child support or anything.
FINALLY, after more than a year ( during which time I lost a lot of weight because I literally could not afford to feed both myself AND my kids-I even had to get rid of the kids' dog) I went to a lawyer-of course it meant I couldn't make my trailer or car payment because I had to pay the lawyer....
He yelled at me a lot first, then we filed for child support and I got a legal separation agreement. I still didn't want to anger my husband because he would take it out on the kids so I didn't push on the bill issue. Keep in mind that for more than a year-I'd been paying the car payment, the trailer payment, all the credit cards, medical bills, my utilities, daycare, student loan, ugh......At the time I was making $18000 year.
Then I got a break-I got offered a job making more money. But, I'd have to move. Well, no big deal I thought, since they were paying for the move. I packed up the kids (and still the bills) and moved. Everything was fine except I couldn't afford the trailer payment AND rent at the new place and it wouldn't sell. It got repo'ed. I thought that was fine-not worried about credit-what did I know? So, the trailer sold. THEN I start getting nasty letters about all the money I owe because it sold for less than my note. Those payments were more than the trailer payment I couldn't afford!
Finally, in 1999 I filed for bankruptcy. Let me add that my ex-husband still lives in the house we built (literally) and his mortgage is paid off...the house is worth like $250,000 and I am STILL dealing with the fallout from back then-more than 12 years later.
I should have asked for child support right away. I should have insisted on some kind of compensation from the house (I signed a quit claim because his mother advised me to). I should have left him his fair share of the bills. I should NOT have bought the trailer. I should have taken the better car (I had the kids), I should have insisted that he help pay medical bills and 2 sets of braces (it was in the "agreement" but I never followed through because I didn't want him to get upset-I know, I know - sigh).
I know this is long, but if even ONE person reads this and understands my point it will be worth the time it took to write and the anger that it restirred. Anger at myself, because this is my fault for allowing myself to be a victim-my ex is a wife beater and a child abuser. And anger at the fact that people who commit murder get shorter sentences than people who can't pay their bills AND I hate that bankruptcy "eases" the burden by allowing that "bad things happen to good people", but then "good people" pay thru the freakin nose for the next how many years because it is PUBLIC RECORD (read-public humiliation) and they are seen as high risk....Yeah, so high risk they chase you down so you fall for their crap and sign up for their high rate cards-thanking them for giving you a second chance (for 29.9%) and 18% car loans (bend over). And you have your 7+ year old CA, OCs, bankruptcy, all reporting your deadbeat status when you have had nothing but on time payments and exemplary history post bk and you have to FIGHT and KICK and SCREAM to get this old crap removed so you can pay $400 less on your monthly mortgage.
Sheesh, I guess I needed to get that out of my system. Sorry........ :("
pwjuggernaut said: "WOW!
Paul"